FAMILY

HAS BEEN ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY AT 82 DEGREES AND SUNNY. ONLY DRAWBACK WAS THE WINDS AROUND 20 MPH. I GOT UP LATE AS USUAL AND DIDN'T ACCOMPLISH MUCH. AFRAID THIS IS GETTING TO BE THE NORM. LAST YEAR I WAS MUCH MORE ACTIVE DOING EXERCISES AT HOME AND SWIMMING A MILE A DAY AT THE POOL. JUST CAN'T GET IN THE GROOVE THIS YEAR.

BEEN THINKING ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD A LOT TODAY AND REALIZED HOW LITTLE I REMEMBER ABOUT MY OLDER BROTHER. I DO REMEMBER I WAS USUALLY ON THE SHORT END OF ANY FIGHT OR ARGUMENT WE GOT INTO. ONE TIME HE HAD A ROPE AROUND MY NECK AND WAS GOING TO HAVE ME JUMP OUT OF THE APPLE TREE IN OUR BACK YARD. I WAS BEING PUNISHED BECAUSE I WAS A BAD INDIAN. MOM HAPPENED TO COME OUT ON THE BACK PORCH JUST IN TIME TO STOP OUR LITTLE STUNT. RAYMOND WAS THREE YEARS OLDER THAN ME AND WAS THE FAVORITE OF MY DAD. RAYMOND LIKED TO WORK ON HIS BICYCLE, AND DAD BEING A MECHANIC, WOULD WORK WITH HIM. I NEVER CARED FOR ANYTHING MECHANICAL. I THINK RAYMOND ALSO WENT RABBIT AND SQUIRREL HUNTING WITH HIM. NOT ME. I DIDN'T LIKE THE NOISE OF A GUN GOING OFF BUT MOST OF ALL I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE A WARM BED AT 5:00 AM. MOM USED TO COVER THEM WITH MILK AND PROBABLY SOME OTHER THINGS THAT I CAN'T REMEMBER AND BAKE THEM IN THE OVEN OF OUR BIG COOK STOVE. I WOULD FEED THE FIREWOOD OR COAL INTO THE STOVE. I CAN STILL SMELL THE MEAT BAKING. WE HAD A GOOD THICK GRAVY IN THE PAN AND WE POURED IT OVER JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING WE HAD ON OUR PLATES. WE HAD THE USUAL SATURDAY NIGHT BATH IN A BIG WASH TUB IN THE KITCHEN BY THE WARM STOVE IN THE WINTERS. WE BEHAVED PRETTY GOOD IN THE WINTER BUT HAD WATER FIGHTS IN THE SUMMER. I DON'T REALLY HAVE A LOT OF MEMORIES OF MY BROTHER, BUT I DO REMEMBER ONE DAY WHEN HE TOOK ME TO SCHOOL ON HIS BICYCLE AFTER LUNCH. I RODE SIDEWAYS IN FRONT OF HIM AND I COULD HEAR HIS BREATHING AS HE PEDDLED. WE WOULD BE TOUCHING EACH OTHERS BODY AT TIMES AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I FELT VERY CLOSE TO HIM. I DIDN'T THINK OF THE BAD DAYS WE HAD HAD IN THE PAST, BUT I WAS VERY PROUD OF MY BIG BROTHER AND WANTED EVERYONE IN THE SCHOOL YARD TO SEE HIM. IT WASN'T LONG AFTER THAT, THAT HE CAME DOWN WITH LEUKEMIA. WE LIVED IN A SMALL TOWN, AND THIS WAS IN THE EARLY 40'S BEFORE SMALL TOWN DOCTORS KNEW HOW TO DIAGNOSE IT. OUR DOCTOR WAS TREATING HIM FOR STREP THROAT. WHEN HE CONTINUED TO LOSE WEIGHT AND GET VERY SICK, OUT DOCTOR HAD MY PARENTS TAKE HIM TO THE BIG CITY WHERE THEY FOUND OUT THE BAD NEWS. HE COULDN'T BE HELPED AS THE DISEASE HAD PROGRESSED TOO FAR FOR TREATMENT. IT WAS CENTERED IN THE GLANDS ON BOTH SIDES OF HIS NECK SLOWLY TAKING HIS ABILITY TO SWALLOW FOOD AND SOME DAYS EVEN WATER. I REMEMBER DURING HIS LAST DAYS, MOM DIDN'T DO ANY COOKING AFRAID HE WOULD SMELL IT. WE ATE ON THE BACK PORCH WITH THE KITCHEN DOOR CLOSED. THAN ONE NIGHT, GRANDMA CAME TO MY BED ASKING ME TO GO TO THE LIVING ROOM TO SAY GOODBYE TO RAYMOND. HE HAD PASSED AWAY ON THE LIVING ROOM COUCH. EVERYONE WAS CRYING VERY HARD BUT I DIDN'T SHED A TEAR. MORE ABOUT THAT LATER. RAYMOND AND I WERE LIKE NIGHT AND DAY. HE WAS TALL FOR HIS AGE, 12 YEARS, HAD ALMOST WHITE HAIR AND WE CALLED HIM COTTON HEAD. HE WAS FULL OF ENERGY. I WAS THE QUIET ONE, AND HAVE REMAINED THAT WAY TILL THIS DAY. I WAS 9 WHEN RAYMOND PASSED ON AND SO MANY TIMES I WONDER WHAT MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF HE COULD HAVE BEEN MY BIG BROTHER AS WE PROGRESSED THROUGH LIFE TOGETHER.

DAY IS WINDING DOWN MARCH 30, 2008

ONE OF THOSE DAYS THAT I REALLY HAVEN'T ACCOMPLISHED MUCH OF ANYTHING..NOT EVEN COOKING, SO IT WILL BE SLIM PICKINS FOR SUPPER. GOT UP LATE THIS MORNING,AROUND 9:15, AND THAT JUST RUINS MY DAY. CHECKED MY E-MAIL AND HAD 7 NEW MESSAGES AND ONLY TWO WERE ANY GOOD. EVER SINCE I CHANGED OVER TO COX I GET TONS OF E-MAILS ABOUT VIAGRA AND VULGAR SEX VIDEOS. I COMPLAINED AND I WOULD HAVE HAD TO PURCHASE MORE SOFTWARE TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM. I WASN'T ABOUT TO PUT OUT MONEY TO CORRECT SOMETHING THAT WASN'T MY PROBLEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. I DID FIND SOME RELIEF IN THE INCREDI MAIL I USE FOR MY E-MAILS. I CAN BLOCK THE SENDER AND ALSO SEND AN E-MAIL TO THE SENDER STATING MY ADDRESS IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE. IT'S STARTING TO WORK NOW AS I ONLY RECEIVE 4 OR 5 OF THESE UNWANTED E-MAILS PER DAY, WHEN I HAD RECEIVED UP TO 53 ONE DAY! I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE HAVING THIS PROBLEM.

FIXED MYSELF A GOOD BREAKFAST AND WATCHED THE PHOTOS ON THE SCREEN SAVER GO BY. PROBABLY HAVE A COUPLE THOUSAND THAT I HAVE DOWNLOADED FROM VARIOUS WEB SITES. ESPECIALLY LIKE FLICKR AND MARK CASSINO SITES. HECK, I EVEN HAVE PHOTOS FROM GAY PORN SITES. YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED HOW MANY PHOTOS I GOT ABOUT SIDNEY, MONTREAL, LONDON, TORONTO, THE PHILIPPINES AND CHINA. JUST LIKE HAVING A TRAVELOGUE IN YOUR OWN HOME. I WAS EVEN TEMPTED TO BOOK A GAY CRUISE SAILING FROM BARCELONA AND ENDING IN ROME. I COULD HAVE VISITED MYK0NOS AS I REALLY ENJOYED THAT ISLAND ON ANOTHER CRUISE SOME 16 YEARS AGO. THE CHEAPER CABINS WERE ONLY $949 FOR 8 DAYS AND THAT INCLUDED ALL YOUR FOOD, DRINKS, FLOOR SHOWS AND MOVIES. THE KILLER WAS THE AIRFARE AND THE CHANGES YOU WOULD HAVE TO MAKE. I COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT A GROUP OF CABINS WERE FROM $4000 TO $7000 AND THEY WERE ALL SOLD OUT! THERE WAS TO BE 3000 PASSENGERS FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE BUT MOSTLY THE GAY CROWD. I'LL JUST WATCH THE TRAVEL SHOWS ON PBS.

SPENT AN HOUR OUTSIDE THIS AFTERNOON WATERING MY FLOWERS AND PULLING WEEDS. WAS ON THE WINDY SIDE BUT SUNNY AND IN THE LOWER 80'S. HAD PLANNED TO GO FOR GROCERIES TODAY, BUT I'LL GET BY TILL TOMORROW. BEING IN A DOWN MOOD, I'D BUY EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. I DO MOST OF MY SHOPPING AT TRADER JOE'S.

TIME TO FEED THE BELLY, WATCH A LITTLE TV, READ THE PAPER AND DO SOME SURFING. SHOULD BALANCE MY CHECK BOOK FOR FEBRUARY, BUT ANOTHER DAY WON'T MATTER. MY NEIGHBOR JUST LEFT IN HIS PICKUP. HE GOES ALL THE TIME. I ONLY DRIVE MY CAR ABOUT EVERY TEN DAYS. IT'S A 1994 TOYOTA CAMRY AND ONLY HAS SOME 53,000 MILES ON IT. HIGH GAS PRICES DON'T BOTHER ME IN THE LEAST!

CHEERS

SOME THOUGHTS MARCH 29, 2008

HI WORLD....I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS AND I FEEL I'M A LITTLE OLD GETTING STARTED, SO PLEASE BARE WITH ME...PEOPLE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER SO, SO WILL I. JUST ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY OF SUNSHINE IN ARIZONA. SPRING BREAK IS ON NOW AND WE GET TO HEAR YOUNG VOICES AND YELLS FOR A CHANGE AROUND THE POOL. I DIDN'T MAKE IT THERE TODAY AS I HAD TO WAIT ON THE REPAIRMEN TO COME AND GIVE THE OLE AC A SPRING CHECK UP. WAS VERY GLAD NOT TO HAVE ANY THING WRONG. BELIEVE IT'S 13 YEARS OLD NOW. THERE COMING GAVE ME THE INCENTIVE TO DO A QUICK CLEAN UP OF THE HOUSE. I'M NOT KIDDING, I HARDLY HAVE A DRAWER LEFT TO STUFF THINGS IN. I SEEM TO HAVE THAT FEELING OF OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND. I EVEN HAVE NEWSPAPERS AND SOLICITATIONS DATING BACK TO APRIL 2007 STUFFED AWAY. DO ANY OF YOU DO THESE CRAZY THINGS? THE OLDER I GET AND HAVE MORE FREE TIME, THE WORSE I BECOME IN THIS AREA OF MY LIFE. I'M EVEN TAKING SOME MEDICATION AS MY DOCTOR THINKS MY PROBLEM IS DEPRESSION...DOES SEEM TO PERK ME UP A LITTLE, BUT THE STUFFING GOES ON!...GOT MY TAXES DONE YESTERDAY AND THANKS TO MY SMART STOCK MARKET PICKS, I GET A LITTLE BACK PLUS I HAVE A LOSS CARRYOVER FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS. I'VE INVESTED MORE IN CD'S LATELY AND NOW THEY'RE DROPPING JUST LIKE MY STOCKS DID. I SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN THOUGH, AS I STILL HAVE MY HEALTH AND LIVE WITHIN MY MEANS...DUCKY DON